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Tuesday, July 19, 2022

On Being Tired

 

I decided to make a few notes on this while the feeling is still fresh. Have you ever been so tired you didn’t even know you were tired? Running in the hamster wheel of whatever things are yours – children to school, dog to the vet or your meditation, yoga, go walk on the grass, but still doing, doing, doing… And more to be done… And often these are even the things you like doing. You love your dog and your friends, and your pottery class and your intention group.

And when this suddenly stops – you sprain an ankle and are in bed for 3 days. Or you are attached to a video EEG machine for three days – and your life is limited to staying in one room with short trips to the kitchen and bathroom. Like I am now. I’ll share my experience and you take from it what’s useful. Maybe you are on a hamster wheel too? Maybe in need of a break before you yourself break?

Now, on the second day of video EEG ‘diet’ I find myself with the following thoughts: “I do not have the energy to finish cleaning out the apartment for the donation truck”, “the unsorted pile of pantry supplies will have to wait too”. And I was just on the verge or taking a few final “pushes” to finish all of this. And now I am looking at the piles with non-caring and relief. “I am taking a test here, I am a sick person in distress, everything can go to hell for a time. Perfect home and restaurant menu for my husband can go to hell too – temporarily”.

 I have only recently started to get the hang of this skill – to say “no” to claims on my time, attention, and energy. And this time the discovery of how tired I was of doing the “have to’s” was surprising because some of the them were the “have to’s” I created for myself – like the pantry and clearing unused things from the house.

Oh, I do take naps and read and knit in the evening. But it wasn’t enough.

Having put “in my cart” so many projects and responsibilities, I was at the stage where only a helicopter whisking me to a quiet retreat would have helped.

I am glad I came to these conclusions during a simple lightly uncomfortable 3 day test and not through painful disease or surgery. And I also promised myself two “resort days” at home – without the EEG gear and restrictions. I can definitely do two days.   

And nearly forgot! When I am not in the “have to” mode, I catch the stream of what I really want to do. Your child inside wants – what ‘games’ and projects sound fun.

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On Being Tired