I decided to make a few
notes on this while the feeling is still fresh. Have you ever been so tired you
didn’t even know you were tired? Running in the hamster wheel of whatever
things are yours – children to school, dog to the vet or your meditation, yoga,
go walk on the grass, but still doing, doing, doing… And more to be done… And
often these are even the things you like doing. You love your dog and your
friends, and your pottery class and your intention group.
And when this suddenly
stops – you sprain an ankle and are in bed for 3 days. Or you are attached to a
video EEG machine for three days – and your life is limited to staying in one
room with short trips to the kitchen and bathroom. Like I am now. I’ll share my
experience and you take from it what’s useful. Maybe you are on a hamster wheel
too? Maybe in need of a break before you yourself break?
Now, on the second day of
video EEG ‘diet’ I find myself with the following thoughts: “I do not have the
energy to finish cleaning out the apartment for the donation truck”, “the
unsorted pile of pantry supplies will have to wait too”. And I was just on the
verge or taking a few final “pushes” to finish all of this. And now I am
looking at the piles with non-caring and relief. “I am taking a test here, I am
a sick person in distress, everything can go to hell for a time. Perfect home
and restaurant menu for my husband can go to hell too – temporarily”.
Oh, I do take naps and read and knit in the evening.
But it wasn’t enough.
Having put “in my cart” so many projects and responsibilities,
I was at the stage where only a helicopter whisking me to a quiet retreat would
have helped.
I am glad I came to these conclusions during a simple
lightly uncomfortable 3 day test and not through painful disease or surgery.
And I also promised myself two “resort days” at home – without the EEG gear and
restrictions. I can definitely do two days.
And nearly forgot! When I am not in the “have to” mode,
I catch the stream of what I really want to do. Your child inside wants – what
‘games’ and projects sound fun.
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