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Tuesday, July 19, 2022

On Being Tired


I decided to make a few notes on this while the feeling is still fresh. Have you ever been so tired you didn’t even know you were tired? Running in the hamster wheel of whatever things are yours – children to school, dog to the vet or your meditation, yoga, go walk on the grass, but still doing, doing, doing… And more to be done… And often these are even the things you like doing. You love your dog and your friends, and your pottery class and your intention group.

And when this suddenly stops – you sprain an ankle and are in bed for 3 days. Or you are attached to a video EEG machine for three days – and your life is limited to staying in one room with short trips to the kitchen and bathroom. Like I am now. I’ll share my experience and you take from it what’s useful. Maybe you are on a hamster wheel too? Maybe in need of a break before you yourself break?

Now, on the second day of video EEG ‘diet’ I find myself with the following thoughts: “I do not have the energy to finish cleaning out the apartment for the donation truck”, “the unsorted pile of pantry supplies will have to wait too”. And I was just on the verge or taking a few final “pushes” to finish all of this. And now I am looking at the piles with non-caring and relief. “I am taking a test here, I am a sick person in distress, everything can go to hell for a time. Perfect home and restaurant menu for my husband can go to hell too – temporarily”.

 I have only recently started to get the hang of this skill – to say “no” to claims on my time, attention, and energy. And this time the discovery of how tired I was of doing the “have to’s” was surprising because some of the them were the “have to’s” I created for myself – like the pantry and clearing unused things from the house.

Oh, I do take naps and read and knit in the evening. But it wasn’t enough.

Having put “in my cart” so many projects and responsibilities, I was at the stage where only a helicopter whisking me to a quiet retreat would have helped.

I am glad I came to these conclusions during a simple lightly uncomfortable 3 day test and not through painful disease or surgery. And I also promised myself two “resort days” at home – without the EEG gear and restrictions. I can definitely do two days.   

And nearly forgot! When I am not in the “have to” mode, I catch the stream of what I really want to do. Your child inside wants – what ‘games’ and projects sound fun.

Monday, February 28, 2022

Ukraine: What Is Going on, My Family


This is going to be a haphazard, quilt piece, but I want to post it anyway. And you can understand why.

I am half Ukrainian and half Russian. My Dad is from Belgorod region that is not far from Kharkiv in Eastern Ukraine. The irony is – he is in Kharkiv now – during the invasion by Russian troops. I am very proud of him – he does not resort to panic (though he is afraid at times and has to take his blood pressure meds to recover).

By keeping himself calm with reading Dale Carnegie he unearthed, prayer, stretching canvas for paintings, cooking his food, he keeps his closest surroundings safe. His apartment and building aren’t damaged. Not watching local TV also helps.

I am not going to give you “woo woo New Age” stuff, but calmer view of the situation brings more peaceful surroundings. Less shooting here than in other areas, tanks only driving by, his windows and the whole building – how it was before the war. Though a block down the street – there are a lot of broken windows.


Quite ridiculous is the war between brother nations under a made-up pretext. Our family and friends live both in Russia and Ukraine. I want a prosperous peaceful future for my home country. I have been to Europe. I’ve seen the difference.

I want my school friend (who works as a teacher) to have any well-paid job she chooses. Life in joy and abundance (which is the right of everyone on Earth) for her and her daughter.


The Russian President looks quite desperate, resorting to “school bully” ways. He looks like someone who doubts his strength and is never in harmony. Violence is what a weak person turns to. I am not afraid of the pathos of “We will not tolerate this”. And I am proud and grateful to all who do not see war as a solution. War is doomed.

How all countries and groups hurried helpfully with sanctions to stop air to “war lungs”! So the next day it opens its mouth, there is nothing to breathe. And if love is not something that can reach Russian President’s heart at the moment – to stop the war, it’ll have to be lack of resources and isolation.

Craziness of the President doesn’t stop us as people of the Earth and neighbors to remain friendly and united. I am talking about my family and friends in Ukraine, Russia, and far beyond. And I am sure a lot of you feel the same.  

Dear All, please do something, whatever you feel called to do – in your place. Following your heart. Not because my school friend from Kharkiv in Eastern Ukraine writes about her experience, “It is so terrifying, I cannot even describe.”

On Being Tired