I do not mean if he/she is thin and sickly, you should think, “he/she is Superman or Superwoman”.
Rather concentrate on good. Despite everything you will tell me, there is always some good. You know this. Your partner, child or a friend can be charming, quiet, a great professional, kind at heart – anything.
I will be the last person to throw stones at anyone for ‘dissatisfied thoughts’. My husband is somewhat round-shouldered. I notice it sometimes, with sadness and even displeasure, but almost never mention it. (Boy, how my Mum used to pester me about my round shoulders; pestering never helped, mind you).
So, I focus on my husband’s other traits, the ones I like and value. They are plentiful. And now – after 10 years – there are more of these. Since I focus on them. As I started really enjoying rare tender moments, they are more frequent now. As there is always “thank you” for taking out the trash, my husband is less reluctant to help with little things about the house.
This changes the atmosphere at home. For the better.
And one more thing. Don’t rush for a hot Cuisinart pan to place on your head if you catch yourself thinking ‘not nice’ thoughts, if you’ve decided to improve the atmosphere. Making small steps in this direction is enough. This will inevitably bring you to ‘better relationship’ destination.
In a PATH train (the one that goes from NJ to NYC) I see a dressed up couple of 40-45 years old. You can see they are going to the city to an event of some sort. The man with shoulder length curly hair is dressed in black suit and shirt with a yellow tie. The light yellow of the tie matches blond hair of the lady. She is also dressed in black. Pretty much. One-shoulder sleeveless dress, knee length. And gray canvas sneakers.
In everything I do, I come across the urge to omit unnecessary details – in sketching, writing, living.