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Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Talking of what’s important to an introvert partner

Often we find ourselves with partners who prefer to avoid conversations of important things and feelings.

Here is what works for me. My husband is a quiet type. He is either terrified to talk about such topics or prefers not to – thinking it useless, dangerous or something else. So, it is up to me to find a way out.



Emails and letters work if I want to carry a message across. In these cases I do not get a reply ‘in word form’. Only in a form of a stronger embrace the next day or stroking my hair when I come for it – as a cat. For ten years of marriage I have learned to discern all ‘communications’. No matter how subtle. The above reactions usually mean ‘I heard you’. Or there can be no reaction. Happens as well. But I wanted to get the message across, so it’s fine. Easier for me too. Since in serious conversations I get anxious and confused, unable to talk in short sentences. Like men prefer.


If I want a more distinct reply – watching movies together helps. There would always be a couple in a situation similar to ours or in a situation where I can easily ‘insert’ a question, “Are you a jealous type?” One question, no long discussions. It looks casual and not as scary as “we need to talk”.


You can ask a question or make a comment. Like recently, while watching ‘Murdoch Mysteries’ I did ask my husband ‘the jealous type’ question and assured him that dance classes I am taking are for the sake of dancing, since I love it.


Do not think that taciturn partners – men or women – do not need our comments and reassurance. Just because they do not ask for them.


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